Who is the secret jury you are trying to impress?
Sometimes I feel like I have a jury in my head, a panel of people I know in my real life who have gathered to approve or disapprove my actions. Exhaustinggggg.
It’s not often I feel that way. But sometimes, when I’m making a decision, I can feel the presence of that jury. Kind of like the classic angel/devil on the shoulders in a cartoon. Except it’s my entire extended family and my 500 Facebook friends.
When I first set my challenge to meditate for 365 days in a row (currently on day 154), I imagined myself being some enlightened Buddhist nun on a hill with her head shaved by the end of the year. I imagined that my jury would be pleased with me for attempting to become an enlightened human being.
So I feel like I’m “cheating” because I’ve actually been listening to guided meditations for 10 minutes at 1am, and I’m not sitting cross-legged in silence in a cave for 4 hours everyday.
But I remember that I WAS THE ONE to set the challenge! I’m not doing it to be ‘right’ at meditating, or to impress my jury. I have to remember WHY I am doing it. I began the challenge because I wanted to reduce anxiety and enjoy the many benefits of meditation. I totally believe I’m doing that. Bye-bye jury. Bye, Felicia!
Who is the secret jury you are trying to impress with your actions?