What Do You Need To Believe That You Don't Believe Yet?

In order to achieve your goal, what do you need to believe that you don’t believe yet?

Make a list.

Start working on making those desired beliefs your actual beliefs.

See what happens.

Q&A

I get questions a lot so I decided to do a post, and I asked for questions on Instagram. Here are your questions, and my answers. Let me know if you resonate with any of them!

How did you know that you wanted to pursue a career in personal development?
I never had one single “a-ha” moment that led me to working as a coach, but more a series of “ohhhhh….” moments that built up to send me down a path slowly until I ended up here. As a kid, I never wanted to read fiction, I was mostly interested in non-fiction about real people, real stories and what they did, thought and felt. I remember at about age 14, going into a charity book store and seeing a book called The 9 Secrets of Women Who Get What They Want by the ex-editor in chief of Cosmopolitan magazine, Kate White. I opened it to a random page, and it was coincidentally a chapter of her talking about how she went to Mount Kilimanjaro, which I was about to climb. To this day, it is still my favourite book in the world (think Carrie Bradshaw meets Tony Robbins). From that book, I discovered the world of personal development, and I started to devour books on self help, psychology, philosophy and religion. That lead me to go to university to study psychology and philosophy (and I also took papers on theory of religion). I guess I was subconsciously trying to answer the question “Why are some people happy and successful when other people aren’t, even if they have similar circumstances?” That question still drives me today. While at University, I was set on being a clinical psychologist. I thought it meant I would sit in an office with a long sofa, asking “and how do you feel about that?” until it turned people into the happiest versions of themselves. It turns out, that’s not what it is at all. I remember the exact moment that I decided not to be a clinical psychologist: I was in a room with a student-professor who was tutoring our class, and training to be a clinical psychologist. I asked him what he did with his day, expecting an answer about the long sofa and his patients, and instead he said he spent most of his time treating brain injury patients at the local hospital. Oh… so you’re kind of a doctor. It was then that I discovered psychology is actually the study of what is wrong with people. It’s a wonderful profession and we need more people who want to do that. But it’s not me – I want to study what is right with people. How do people thrive? What makes someone happy? How does one fulfil their potential? After that point, I felt lost. Through a series of lucky events, I joined a Facebook Group full of business coaches. I started coaching people on how to grow their Instagram accounts, and although I made money doing it, it wasn’t fulfilling. I went travelling to “find myself” because that’s what people said to do (and realised I didn’t need to find myself, I had always had a very strong sense of self). While traveling, I had a lot of down time, so I listened to audiobooks. I discovered the brilliant book, High Performance Habits by Brendon Burchard – and that’s when I discovered High Performance Coaching. The rest is history.

What country do you want to visit most of all?
Ooh, such a good question. Tahiti was on my list for so long, and I went in 2017. It was the most beautiful place on earth, I’d love to go again. The place I’ve never been to that I most wish to go to is New York, although I have been to the USA several times before. I guess that’s not really answering the question – so I think it would be the Bahamas!

How do you define success?
I’ve thought about this a lot. I believe success is feeling content with the stage of growth you’re currently in. The pursuit of success is success.

What are your ultimate habits for happiness?
1. Gratitude journaling. This single habit has made the most profound difference in my day-to-day happiness.
2. Making your work something you enjoy. You don’t have to have found your “ultimate calling” but certainly doing something you like to do cannot be under estimated.
3. Meditation. I know it’s cliche, but I love to do a guided meditation. They put me in such a good mood.
4. Social connection, no matter what, every single day. Psychologists show that the number one predictor of happiness is our social connection. I usually do a zoom call (during isolation at the moment) or have a coffee/go walking with my friends when we’re not in isolation.

If you could give only one piece of advice, in one short sentence, what would it be?
If you want to change your life, change your identity. Instead of asking yourself ‘What do I need to do?’ Ask yourself, ‘Who do I need to be?’

How do you maintain consistency in your zest for life?
This is going to sound weird, but I think about death every day. Not to a degree that it makes me feel sad, but I often think “I better give that person a big hug in case I never see them again” or “I should give this run my all, in case it’s the last time I ever get to run”. I thought other people thought about death a lot too, but I asked my sister and she said she almost never thinks about it. I think there’s a degree where thinking about death would be debilitating, so I don’t mean to say we should all think about how we will die one day and never leave the house because we are so scared. But I guess I’ve just always had a deep sense of my own mortality. When you feel that way, it’s easy to have zest for the smallest experiences (I often think about how grateful I am to be doing the dishes, or how lucky I am to hear my partner snore at night, even when it drives me bonkers).
Remember today could be your last. It changes everything!

Do you love trains?
I’ve never been asked before! I suppose I do love them, because they have transported me to some of the most beautiful places in the world.

Do you love armies? Example: US, Australian and your NZ army.
I would never join an army (I’d hate to go to war!), but I think it would be a great challenge to see if I could pass the fitness and mental strength tests.

Do you have a good book recommendation? I am in desperate need, haha.
Oh, where do I start! Here are some of my favourites from each category:

• Relationships: The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

• Career: The 9 Secrets of Women Who Get What They Want by Kate White, Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill

• Habits: High Performance Habits by Brendon Burchard & Better than Before by Gretchen Rubin

• Entrepreneurship: Anything You Want by Derek Sivers

What are your impossible goals?
I’ve got a whole blog post dedicated to this here.

However, they are:

MY COMPLETED IMPOSSIBLE GOALS:

• MEDITATE DAILY FOR A YEAR (Completed 24/04/2020)

• BECOME MY OWN BOSS (Completed 25/04/2018)

• MOVE TO A NEW COUNTRY (Completed 05/10/2018)

• CLIMB KILIMANJARO (Completed 01/07/2011)

• TRAVEL EUROPE FOR 6 MONTHS (Completed 05/10/2018)

• VISIT MY DREAM DESTINATION: BORA BORA (Completed 18/04/2017)

MY CURRENT IMPOSSIBLE GOALS:

• BE ABLE TO DO 100 PUSH UPS IN A ROW (Currently at 50)

• REACH 100K SUBSCRIBERS ON YOUTUBE

• START A VIDEO INTERVIEW SERIES

• DO A BREAKDANCING WINDMILL

• BUILD A MILLION DOLLAR BUSINESS

• DO A TED TALK

• RUN A TROPICAL RETREAT

What’s your evening routine?
Every night before bed, I create a to-do list for the next day, and then try to put it into my calendar so I know when it is all going to get done and not just hope it will get done.

I always set an alarm on my phone and leave it on the other side of the room so I have to get out of bed to turn it off in the morning.

I brush my teeth, put on my pajamas, and then often journal if I feel like I need to get my thoughts out. However, I try not to do any visualizing or planning, because if I do, I start to get ideas. Ideas are honestly the most magical thing during the day, but at night, ideas are the one thing that stop me from sleeping. Instead of lying awake at night worrying (like most people), I lay awake at night getting excited about ideas and plans and opportunities. It could be 2, 3, 4 in the morning, and I could be exhausted, but if I start to have an idea, the next two hours are a write-off, I can’t sleep at all. It really is a problem! So to combat this, once I’m in bed, most nights I do a guided meditation to get me in the mood for sleep. My favourite mediations are by The Honest Guys on YouTube.

Do you consider yourself as someone who is balanced? If so, what’s your secret?
I’m not sure what you mean by balanced, but I can interpret it as balanced in life in general, like a work/life balance. My work is my life, and my life is my work. All of my hobbies tend to be personal development related, and so is my business. So, I don’t think I would say I am balanced in the sense of separating time out in my day to do only work things, or only exercise things, or only relationship things. I share my life online a lot, so no matter what I’m doing, it could be considered work. But I LOVE working! My work is my passion.

What is your age and goal?
I’m 23, and I have many goals, see above!

What is your favourite movie?
Ooh, this is such a tough one, I have so many! Love Actually, Legally Blonde and Inception make it onto my top three.

How is your dramatic move across the world affecting you?
I’m pretty lucky because I was planning to move back to New Zealand from England in two or three months anyway, so I was mentally prepared. Coronavirus just made the move very sudden. I’m sad that I didn’t really get to say goodbye properly to a lot of my friends as we couldn’t hug or see each other. Being in New Zealand is great though. I feel very lucky to be safe at home here. I’m sending so much love to everyone around the world who is being deeply affected by the virus.

Belief is the Key to the Result

We choose our identity (our beliefs about who we are) and because of that, we choose our actions, and because of that, we choose our results.

Identity > Action > Result

So if you want a new result, you need to change your beliefs about who you are.

I am a warrior.

I am someone who loves taking care of her body.

I am strong.

I am wealthy.

I am someone who manages money well.

I am generous.

I am f*cking unstoppable (this is my favourite mantra of all time. No matter how bad I feel, whenever I say this, I feel like I’m back in the drivers seat of my life, taking command).

I am

When you believe you are a certain way, you will act in accordance with that belief. It’s true. You don’t take action that doesn’t fit with who you are.

And the results you get are based on the actions you take.

So change your “I am” beliefs to align with the result you want.

Find Your Tonic

The mind is ultra powerful. Psychologists, philosophers and neuroscientists don’t understand it yet, but they do know it has gigantic power.

And sometimes, when we perceive power in other things – crystals, prayer beads, candles, lights, cards, gurus, the Universe – it is actually a reflection of the power within us.

If crystals or candles or gurus help you step into your power because you feel powerful around them, then brilliant. Use them.

If they don’t, no worries. Find your tonic. Find the thing that makes you feel powerful in its presence.

Choose to believe in whatever makes you feel powerful. It will serve you greatly.

How to Manifest Your Dreams

Manifestation is a total buzzword.

It is often associated with The Law of Attraction or The Secret, but really, there’s nothing woo-woo about it at all. Here’s the definition of manifestation by Oxford Dictionary:

an event, action, or object that clearly shows or embodies something abstract or theoretical

In more simple words: a mental concept coming to life.

So how do you make a mental concept come to life?

You must become the kind of person who can make it come to life.

You can’t win an Oscar for Best Actor if you’re not an actor.

So in order to get the result, you have to first BE the person who can achieve the result. Whatever result you want, step into being that person first.

Then, equally importantly, you must also take action.

The actor must act. You cannot win an Oscar for Best Actor if you haven’t acted in a film, show or production.

You must BE the actor, and you must DO the acting in order to win best actor.

Be the kind of person who gets the result.

Then do the thing that person would do to get the result.

Manifestation = Mindset + Action

It’s all about getting yourself into total alignment with the result:

1. What result do you want?

2. Who do you need to be to get that result?

3. Now that you are already that person, what do you do/say/think/wear/eat?

Let Go & Get Clean

An identity is a belief about who we are. Those beliefs can be so strong we don’t even realize we have them.

They’ve become an unconscious pattern.

We are so used to being the struggling entrepreneur, or the stressed-out mum, or the one who can’t control themselves around food, that we have become dependent on that identity to know who we are.

But if we want to be the thriving entrepreneur, or the relaxed mum, or the one who loves their body, we must let go of our old identity and step into a new one.

We have to get clean.

Getting clean from belief patterns is not a once-off process. Instead, we must choose to step into our new identity one moment at a time.

What is the identity you are letting go of? What is the new identity you are stepping into?

Mind Drama

There’s a difference between the truth and the way our minds interpret things.

We think our thoughts are the truth, but they aren’t.

We do this thing called Mind Drama.

We make a situation mean something, when in fact, it doesn’t mean that thing at all.

It’s neutral.

We add meaning to a situation with our thoughts.

You get to choose the meaning, because you get to choose your thoughts.

Choose again.

There will come a day

There will come a day when you will reminisce about the beginning of your journey.

There will come a day where you’ll look back and remember that you used to struggle so much to make progress on your impossible dream.

There will come a day when the problem you’re facing right now won’t be a problem for you any more.

There will come a day when you are so successful at what you do, you’ll look back and give your current self advice from the future.

What will your future self say to your current self?

How did they overcome this problem you’re facing?

The Answer in Disguise

The question you are asking in your head is usually the answer in disguise.

“Am I focusing on too many things?” = I am focusing on too many things.

“Are these shoes too old for that special occasion?” = These shoes are too old for that special occasion.

“Am I talking to too many people in my messaging?” = I am talking to too many people in my messaging.

This is not always the case, but it’s a great exercise to see if you already know the answer to what you’re struggling with? You’ll know when it’s true.

Your only job

Imagine you want to quit smoking.

Your job isn’t to stop putting cigarettes in your mouth.

Your job is to become the kind of person who doesn’t even think about smoking.

Imagine you want to lose weight.

Your job isn’t to go on a diet.

Your job is to become the kind of person who loves looking after their body.

Imagine you want to make a million dollars.

Your job isn’t to work really hard.

Your job is to become the kind of person who can create a million dollars worth of value in the world.

Your only job is to be the kind of person who gets the result you want.

When you become that person, the required action will happen automatically.