Brené Brown once said “Cool is an emotional straightjacket.”
I spent the majority of my teenage years trying to be cool.
I spent way too much trying to MAKE myself enjoy snowboarding 🏂surfing 🏄♀️ drinking 🍷
But it’s just not me.
I’m not cool.
And I don’t care. I’m tearing up my cool card.
🌸I’d rather drink decaf tea than alcohol.
🌸I’d rather stay in on a Saturday night than go out.
🌸I’d rather tap dance than pole dance.
🌸I’d rather watch Tony Robbins than Love Island.
🌸I’d rather go to a café than a bar.
🌸I’d rather wear no makeup than get made up every morning.
🌸I’d rather start my own coaching business than get a high powered corporate job.
What’s cool for you may not be cool for other people.
And what’s cool for other people may not be cool for you.
Don't let someone else’s definition of cool define how YOU want to live YOUR life.
STOP TRYING TO BE COOL. BE YOU.
Stay at home. Drink tea. Start your business. Do what YOU want.
Stop trying to please everyone else.
Credit to the brilliant Joy Netanya for inspiring this post 🙌
My friend and mentor, Sarah Coxon once said to me,
“Hustling is an unimaginative way to do business.”
That kinda blew my mind.
It made me realise, hustling is an unimaginative way to do anything.
What happened to ease?
First we must find the peace, the happiness. Then the result of our mission doesn’t matter. And when something doesn’t matter, there’s no stress. No anxiety.
Hustle (verb): to push or force.
Pushing and forcing ourselves to reach our goals is exactly what we’re expected to do. It’s a military thing.
It’s the straight forward route. We’re told if we aren’t producing results, then we should work longer hours, or work harder, or struggle longer.
I believe in trusting your struggle. But I do not believe in imposing your struggle.
So if we don’t hustle - how do we reach our goals?
Creativity. Thinking outside the box.
You know that thing that’s been bothering you, that goal you’ve been hustling at with no avail?
Write a list of 10 alternative routes you could take to achieve that goal that don’t involve “hustling”.
And as always, take action.
But this time, take action with ease.
Don’t let your ideas be ideas.
Writing out ideas or plans in a journal feels like productivity. It feels like we're getting things done. But if those ideas stay ideas, the activity is the exact opposite of productive: it's time wasting.
'Organized' is not synonymous with 'productive'.
You can have colour-coded folders and journals and planners filled to the brim, but unless action takes place, you're not actually progressing.
My friend Ashley Shapiro recently introduced me to a mashup word she coined: Organisaction.
Taking action during organisation.
Don't write a list of everything that needs to get done today.
Schedule the tasks into your calendar.
Set an actual meeting.
Whatever you do, get the ball rolling in the real world. Don’t let your ideas be ideas.
Hell yeah or no.
High performer and brilliant mind Derek Sivers invented a genius cure for overcommitment:
When you've got a decision to make, if you don't think HELL YEAH! at the idea, then say no.
If you say no to almost everything, then when a truly incredible opportunity comes along that makes you think HELL YEAH, you have the time, energy and space in your life to fully commit to it.
Too many of us take on far too many things at once to function at peak performance.
Say hell yeah, or no.
You donate to the gym every January.
I’m usually all for philanthropy, but this pesky habit needs to change. You know it does.
How come some people stick to their habits more easily that you?
At the core of our habits are expectations.
But why do we struggle to meet those expectations? (Ahem, actually going to the gym).
The brilliant Gretchen Rubin, author and habit zealot, developed a framework for understanding why we struggle with expectations and solved the puzzle for how to hack them.
The framework categorises people into one of four tendencies: Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, and Rebel.
If we understand our tendency, we can form habits much more easily.
There are two different types of expectations:
Inner expectations (expectations we impose on ourselves)
Outer expectations (expectations others impose on us)
Upholders respond readily to inner and outer expectations. They are easily able to follow through with their own expectations, as well as the expectations of others. E.g. They go to the gym because they expect it of themselves and because they don't want to let their gym buddy down.
Questioners respond readily to inner expectations but resist outer expectations. They question an outer expectation, and will usually only follow through with an outer expectation if it matches an inner expectation. They go to the gym because they've decided it makes sense to go.
Obligers respond readily to outer expectations but resist inner expectations. They oblige other people but struggle to commit to their own expectations. They go to the gym because they don't want to let their gym buddy down.
Rebels resist both inner and outer expectations. They don't like to be bound or to bind themselves; they want to do what they want to do - in their own way and on their own timeframe. They go to the gym because they feel like it, and won't go if someone expects them to (even if that someone is themselves!).
How to use your tendency to change your habits:
If you're an upholder dealing with burn out: take a leaf out of the questioners handbook and question why things need to get done. Is it reeeally necessary for you to do everything on your to-do list?
If you're a questioner struggling to meet outer expectations: Turn them into inner expectations (I will help my husband because if he's happy, it will make my life easier!).
If you're an obliger struggling to meet inner expectations: turn inner expectations into outer expectations. Have a gym buddy you can't let down. One word: accountability!
If you're a rebel struggling to meet inner or outer expectations: set yourself a challenge. People think you can't tone up? You'll show them! There's a reason the saying is "a rebel with a cause" and not "a rebel with an expectation."
Not sure which tendency you are? Take the quiz here!
Your massive vision is too small.
Clients come to me and say, “I want to be the next Marie Forleo”.
And I say, “Boring. It’s already been done.”
Do you really want to be the next Marie Forleo? No.
Girl you can dream bigger than that!
Do you think Marie Forleo’s massive vision is to just be herself? Do you think she’s feel’s she’s already reached her peak? Unlikely.
I bet she has a spectacular, impossible, electrifying vision for her impact.
You need a spectacular, impossible, electrifying vision too.
Don’t call me if you have a small vision. I’m not interested in helping you become a mediocre version of yourself. I want to know what you really desire.
How to dream up a spectacular, impossible, electrifying vision:
1. On a bit of paper, write down your biggest vision.
2. Now ask yourself how am I playing small with this vision?
3. Now rewrite your vision, only bigger.
4. Then ask yourself, if I already reached that vision, what would be my big vision?
5. Write that.
6. Don’t stop until you
Once you’re breathless with excitement and butterflies of dread swirling in your stomach at the thought of how impossibly big your dream is – then let’s talk.
Are your goals spectacular, impossible and electrifying?
If not, don’t even bother. Boring goals yield boring results.
It’s why we can’t get ourselves to the gym 3 times a week, but we can climb Mount Kilimanjaro.
It’s why we can’t stay consistent on Linked-In but we can have six-figure launches.
You’ve got to be inspired by your goals.
Before you set your goal in stone, ask these three questions:
Is it spectacular? (Is it going to change your life?)
Is it impossible? (Has everyone already done it?)
Is it electrifying? (Does it make your whole body pump with energy?)
Now you’ve got a goal worth pursuing.
You’ve gone for an ocean swim with a few of your biggest inspirations.
Tony Robbins is there. And Marie Forleo. Yup, Beyonce is there too.
You’re simply treading water – oh and that’s right, you’re all completely nude.
Gosh, they’re so much better than you, aren’t they? You haven’t got nearly as much money as Tony, or as many Instagram followers and Marie, or designer clothes like Beyonce. And you’ll never be as successful as them.
And then a salty wave of realisation hits you.
Tony can’t take his bank account into the ocean.
Marie can’t take her Instagram following into the ocean.
Beyonce can’t even take her Gucci bikini into the ocean (you’re all butt-naked, remember?).
You can’t take success skinny-dipping.
Because when we strip down to our birthday suits, and take away the money, fame and success, it turns out we are all the same.
We tread the same water.
We breathe the same air.
We pee in the same spot.
No amount of money, fame or success can change that. Not at sea, not on land.
Stop comparing yourself to other people.
Dry off, get some knickers on, and go kick some ass.