What Do You Need To Believe That You Don't Believe Yet?

In order to achieve your goal, what do you need to believe that you don’t believe yet?

Make a list.

Start working on making those desired beliefs your actual beliefs.

See what happens.

Q&A

I get questions a lot so I decided to do a post, and I asked for questions on Instagram. Here are your questions, and my answers. Let me know if you resonate with any of them!

How did you know that you wanted to pursue a career in personal development?
I never had one single “a-ha” moment that led me to working as a coach, but more a series of “ohhhhh….” moments that built up to send me down a path slowly until I ended up here. As a kid, I never wanted to read fiction, I was mostly interested in non-fiction about real people, real stories and what they did, thought and felt. I remember at about age 14, going into a charity book store and seeing a book called The 9 Secrets of Women Who Get What They Want by the ex-editor in chief of Cosmopolitan magazine, Kate White. I opened it to a random page, and it was coincidentally a chapter of her talking about how she went to Mount Kilimanjaro, which I was about to climb. To this day, it is still my favourite book in the world (think Carrie Bradshaw meets Tony Robbins). From that book, I discovered the world of personal development, and I started to devour books on self help, psychology, philosophy and religion. That lead me to go to university to study psychology and philosophy (and I also took papers on theory of religion). I guess I was subconsciously trying to answer the question “Why are some people happy and successful when other people aren’t, even if they have similar circumstances?” That question still drives me today. While at University, I was set on being a clinical psychologist. I thought it meant I would sit in an office with a long sofa, asking “and how do you feel about that?” until it turned people into the happiest versions of themselves. It turns out, that’s not what it is at all. I remember the exact moment that I decided not to be a clinical psychologist: I was in a room with a student-professor who was tutoring our class, and training to be a clinical psychologist. I asked him what he did with his day, expecting an answer about the long sofa and his patients, and instead he said he spent most of his time treating brain injury patients at the local hospital. Oh… so you’re kind of a doctor. It was then that I discovered psychology is actually the study of what is wrong with people. It’s a wonderful profession and we need more people who want to do that. But it’s not me – I want to study what is right with people. How do people thrive? What makes someone happy? How does one fulfil their potential? After that point, I felt lost. Through a series of lucky events, I joined a Facebook Group full of business coaches. I started coaching people on how to grow their Instagram accounts, and although I made money doing it, it wasn’t fulfilling. I went travelling to “find myself” because that’s what people said to do (and realised I didn’t need to find myself, I had always had a very strong sense of self). While traveling, I had a lot of down time, so I listened to audiobooks. I discovered the brilliant book, High Performance Habits by Brendon Burchard – and that’s when I discovered High Performance Coaching. The rest is history.

What country do you want to visit most of all?
Ooh, such a good question. Tahiti was on my list for so long, and I went in 2017. It was the most beautiful place on earth, I’d love to go again. The place I’ve never been to that I most wish to go to is New York, although I have been to the USA several times before. I guess that’s not really answering the question – so I think it would be the Bahamas!

How do you define success?
I’ve thought about this a lot. I believe success is feeling content with the stage of growth you’re currently in. The pursuit of success is success.

What are your ultimate habits for happiness?
1. Gratitude journaling. This single habit has made the most profound difference in my day-to-day happiness.
2. Making your work something you enjoy. You don’t have to have found your “ultimate calling” but certainly doing something you like to do cannot be under estimated.
3. Meditation. I know it’s cliche, but I love to do a guided meditation. They put me in such a good mood.
4. Social connection, no matter what, every single day. Psychologists show that the number one predictor of happiness is our social connection. I usually do a zoom call (during isolation at the moment) or have a coffee/go walking with my friends when we’re not in isolation.

If you could give only one piece of advice, in one short sentence, what would it be?
If you want to change your life, change your identity. Instead of asking yourself ‘What do I need to do?’ Ask yourself, ‘Who do I need to be?’

How do you maintain consistency in your zest for life?
This is going to sound weird, but I think about death every day. Not to a degree that it makes me feel sad, but I often think “I better give that person a big hug in case I never see them again” or “I should give this run my all, in case it’s the last time I ever get to run”. I thought other people thought about death a lot too, but I asked my sister and she said she almost never thinks about it. I think there’s a degree where thinking about death would be debilitating, so I don’t mean to say we should all think about how we will die one day and never leave the house because we are so scared. But I guess I’ve just always had a deep sense of my own mortality. When you feel that way, it’s easy to have zest for the smallest experiences (I often think about how grateful I am to be doing the dishes, or how lucky I am to hear my partner snore at night, even when it drives me bonkers).
Remember today could be your last. It changes everything!

Do you love trains?
I’ve never been asked before! I suppose I do love them, because they have transported me to some of the most beautiful places in the world.

Do you love armies? Example: US, Australian and your NZ army.
I would never join an army (I’d hate to go to war!), but I think it would be a great challenge to see if I could pass the fitness and mental strength tests.

Do you have a good book recommendation? I am in desperate need, haha.
Oh, where do I start! Here are some of my favourites from each category:

• Relationships: The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

• Career: The 9 Secrets of Women Who Get What They Want by Kate White, Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill

• Habits: High Performance Habits by Brendon Burchard & Better than Before by Gretchen Rubin

• Entrepreneurship: Anything You Want by Derek Sivers

What are your impossible goals?
I’ve got a whole blog post dedicated to this here.

However, they are:

MY COMPLETED IMPOSSIBLE GOALS:

• MEDITATE DAILY FOR A YEAR (Completed 24/04/2020)

• BECOME MY OWN BOSS (Completed 25/04/2018)

• MOVE TO A NEW COUNTRY (Completed 05/10/2018)

• CLIMB KILIMANJARO (Completed 01/07/2011)

• TRAVEL EUROPE FOR 6 MONTHS (Completed 05/10/2018)

• VISIT MY DREAM DESTINATION: BORA BORA (Completed 18/04/2017)

MY CURRENT IMPOSSIBLE GOALS:

• BE ABLE TO DO 100 PUSH UPS IN A ROW (Currently at 50)

• REACH 100K SUBSCRIBERS ON YOUTUBE

• START A VIDEO INTERVIEW SERIES

• DO A BREAKDANCING WINDMILL

• BUILD A MILLION DOLLAR BUSINESS

• DO A TED TALK

• RUN A TROPICAL RETREAT

What’s your evening routine?
Every night before bed, I create a to-do list for the next day, and then try to put it into my calendar so I know when it is all going to get done and not just hope it will get done.

I always set an alarm on my phone and leave it on the other side of the room so I have to get out of bed to turn it off in the morning.

I brush my teeth, put on my pajamas, and then often journal if I feel like I need to get my thoughts out. However, I try not to do any visualizing or planning, because if I do, I start to get ideas. Ideas are honestly the most magical thing during the day, but at night, ideas are the one thing that stop me from sleeping. Instead of lying awake at night worrying (like most people), I lay awake at night getting excited about ideas and plans and opportunities. It could be 2, 3, 4 in the morning, and I could be exhausted, but if I start to have an idea, the next two hours are a write-off, I can’t sleep at all. It really is a problem! So to combat this, once I’m in bed, most nights I do a guided meditation to get me in the mood for sleep. My favourite mediations are by The Honest Guys on YouTube.

Do you consider yourself as someone who is balanced? If so, what’s your secret?
I’m not sure what you mean by balanced, but I can interpret it as balanced in life in general, like a work/life balance. My work is my life, and my life is my work. All of my hobbies tend to be personal development related, and so is my business. So, I don’t think I would say I am balanced in the sense of separating time out in my day to do only work things, or only exercise things, or only relationship things. I share my life online a lot, so no matter what I’m doing, it could be considered work. But I LOVE working! My work is my passion.

What is your age and goal?
I’m 23, and I have many goals, see above!

What is your favourite movie?
Ooh, this is such a tough one, I have so many! Love Actually, Legally Blonde and Inception make it onto my top three.

How is your dramatic move across the world affecting you?
I’m pretty lucky because I was planning to move back to New Zealand from England in two or three months anyway, so I was mentally prepared. Coronavirus just made the move very sudden. I’m sad that I didn’t really get to say goodbye properly to a lot of my friends as we couldn’t hug or see each other. Being in New Zealand is great though. I feel very lucky to be safe at home here. I’m sending so much love to everyone around the world who is being deeply affected by the virus.

Belief is the Key to the Result

We choose our identity (our beliefs about who we are) and because of that, we choose our actions, and because of that, we choose our results.

Identity > Action > Result

So if you want a new result, you need to change your beliefs about who you are.

I am a warrior.

I am someone who loves taking care of her body.

I am strong.

I am wealthy.

I am someone who manages money well.

I am generous.

I am f*cking unstoppable (this is my favourite mantra of all time. No matter how bad I feel, whenever I say this, I feel like I’m back in the drivers seat of my life, taking command).

I am

When you believe you are a certain way, you will act in accordance with that belief. It’s true. You don’t take action that doesn’t fit with who you are.

And the results you get are based on the actions you take.

So change your “I am” beliefs to align with the result you want.

Can You Really Have It All?

I’m excellent at sticking to my goals and following through.
365 days of mediation in a row? Check.
260+ days of blogging in a row (so far) Check.
Working out every day this week? Check.

I’ve trained myself to stick to my commitments so well that in some cases, it actually causes problems.

I was on the phone to my one of my coaches (yes, I have several!), and in an instant, I realised that I had been sticking to a goal that is not serving me, just because I set it.

Creating weekly YouTube videos.

Don’t get me wrong, I really want to follow through with this. In fact, it’s almost painful to not follow through, because I feel like I’m letting myself down, especially because I set it as my New Years Resolution and I HATE breaking New Years Resolutions.

But I realised that although it is a goal of mine to reach 100k on YouTube, right now I can’t put 100% effort into my business goals if I am focusing energy on other things.

My coaching business is my absolute number one priority right now. And YouTube is a distraction.

So although I WILL go back to creating content weekly, for now, I am consciously choosing to set it aside in pursuit of something that is more important.

I once heard a quote that is “You can have it all. You just can’t have it all at once.” And I used to hate it, because I thought it was coming from a limiting belief, like, you can’t have the great relationship and great health and great career all at once. But now I realise that I misunderstood what the quote meant.

It really means that you can’t make it all happen at once. So yes, you can have the great body and gorgeous husband and thriving business– but if you try to focus on making them all happen in the same week, you will burn out and won’t get any of them. Build them up, one by one. THEN you can have it all at once.

So instead what we need to do instead is get LASER FOCUSED on an area. There is a reason, in my High Performance Coaching Program, that we focus on one area per week, and don’t try to do it all at once.

Laser focus means excluding everything in your life that is total BS or FLUFF.

What is BS or FLUFF in your life?

For me, it’s YouTube, it’s the Podcast that doesn’t exist yet that I can’t stop thinking about, it’s the emails I’ve been thinking about sending, it’s all the things I think I need to do but I totally don’t.

What fluffy BS do you need to cut out of your life right now to focus on your current goal?

Just Because Something Didn’t work, Doesn’t Mean It Doesn’t Work

Can we just talk about how just because something DIDN'T work, doesn't mean it DOESN'T work. Today I wrote a post in a Facebook group, and it got 204 likes and 44 comments. I was so excited it got that same engagement, I decided to post the same post in another group. It got 5 likes.

Why? Who knows?! It could be the algorithm or the kinds of people or the time of day. But the point is, just because something doesn't seem to work, it doesn't mean ANYTHING. Sometimes, it's a matter of right place, right time. 

That means no matter what, you have to keep going. Your actions are working. I promise. If you never give up, you guarantee your success.

Failures I've Learned From

Failure is a beautiful thing. It moves you forward. It might not be in the exact direction you want to go, but you are still moving. We shouldn’t be scared of failing – we should be scared of inaction. Inaction is a horrible affliction that affects so many people. I believe in doing something, anything, towards your goals, every single day.

Because of that mindset, I have failed a lot. Here are some of the things I learned not to do because of my failures:

1. Wait for people to find me
   To make an impact, you gotta go out and make yourself SEEN. Posting a blog on your website every single day doesn’t mean anything if nobody is visiting your website. You gotta get where the people are: aka, other people’s audiences.

2. Allow haters to consume my energy
   My haters are honestly the nicest haters in the world. Their hate isn’t actually hate, it’s just misguided sympathy for the loss of a loved one of mine. Their messages come from a good place, usually. They want to show me love, but it comes across wrong and they overstep boundaries. I no longer allow these messages to consume my energy. Any inappropriate comments and creepy DMs get deleted asap.

3. Fluff
   I have spend a considerable amount of time fluffing about doing things that totally don’t move me towards my goals. I had to make a conscious decision that my business is my #1 priority (apart from people), and anything that isn’t directly serving that OR isn’t the most fun thing ever, doesn’t get to happen.

4. Assume yes means yes
   People tell me all the time that they are going to do things. Do the thing they committed to doing, joining the gym, writing the book, signing up for coaching or, back in the day when I had a t-shirt company, buying my t-shirts. People say yes, but when it comes to actually doing the thing, maybe 1 in 5 people follow through with their yes. Lesson 1: don’t celebrate until they show you a yes, not just say a yes. Lesson 2: Be a woman of my word. If I say yes, I do it. Always.

I’m sure I will think of 100 more after this post. Perhaps I’ll do a part two!

Assume You Are Being Prepared

Like a great warrior for battle.

You are being prepared.

This struggle isn’t for nothing. It’s going to be worth it.

You are being prepared for something much greater.

Embrace it.

Find Your Tonic

The mind is ultra powerful. Psychologists, philosophers and neuroscientists don’t understand it yet, but they do know it has gigantic power.

And sometimes, when we perceive power in other things – crystals, prayer beads, candles, lights, cards, gurus, the Universe – it is actually a reflection of the power within us.

If crystals or candles or gurus help you step into your power because you feel powerful around them, then brilliant. Use them.

If they don’t, no worries. Find your tonic. Find the thing that makes you feel powerful in its presence.

Choose to believe in whatever makes you feel powerful. It will serve you greatly.

How to Manifest Your Dreams

Manifestation is a total buzzword.

It is often associated with The Law of Attraction or The Secret, but really, there’s nothing woo-woo about it at all. Here’s the definition of manifestation by Oxford Dictionary:

an event, action, or object that clearly shows or embodies something abstract or theoretical

In more simple words: a mental concept coming to life.

So how do you make a mental concept come to life?

You must become the kind of person who can make it come to life.

You can’t win an Oscar for Best Actor if you’re not an actor.

So in order to get the result, you have to first BE the person who can achieve the result. Whatever result you want, step into being that person first.

Then, equally importantly, you must also take action.

The actor must act. You cannot win an Oscar for Best Actor if you haven’t acted in a film, show or production.

You must BE the actor, and you must DO the acting in order to win best actor.

Be the kind of person who gets the result.

Then do the thing that person would do to get the result.

Manifestation = Mindset + Action

It’s all about getting yourself into total alignment with the result:

1. What result do you want?

2. Who do you need to be to get that result?

3. Now that you are already that person, what do you do/say/think/wear/eat?

The Antidote to Boredom

I realized during this lockdown period that I don’t think I’m capable of being bored.

I used to hear kids say “Muuuuum, I’m bored!” and I’d be confused – how could they be bored?! There was always a goal or a dream to pursue. From building a treehouse or making crafts, to starting a business selling cookies and making up a dance.

Sure, some tasks are “boring” but even as a kid, I always had 1000 ideas I wanted to implement.

I never have nothing on my to-do list. I wired myself this way.

There is always a project I want to start or an idea to bring to life.

I will never be someone to sit down and think “there’s nothing to do”.

And for some personality types, that might be hectic. Not everyone would like that – but I thrive in that space.

I often can’t get to sleep at night because I’m too excited about an idea or a project. It’s a genuine issue I face – my brain won’t stop talking to me, it just wants to keep on inventing and planning and creating.

I do take time to slow down and relax, but it’s out of rejuvenation, fun or self-care, not because I am done with my tasks. I am never “done.”

My current goals and projects I’m working on/want to be working on are:

• Growing my coaching practice

• Building my YouTube channel

• Hitting more push ups (to 100!)

• Blogging daily

• Meditating

• Journaling

• Reading all of the books I buy

• Doing all the online courses I have

• Planning a retreat

• Going Live on Facebook

• Building a Facebook Group

• Choosing a volunteer project

• Building a vegetable garden

• Creating a short parody film

• Choreographing a group dance to every single Britney Spears song ever (yes, actually)

• Designing a clothing and jewelry line

• Writing a TED talk

• Creating and publishing my own goal setting planner

• Starting a Podcast

• A million other things that will pop into my head at 2am

Setting yourself big goals and dreams is the antidote to boredom.

Dream big, my friends.